Barbara Sher On Criticism: This Might Help You Get Why You Feel So Inadequate
Understanding our feelings of inadequacy might very well help to dispel them next time they come knocking
It will leave them feeling rejected, wounded and distrustful, and, Sher says, "they will remember the hurt", no matter how many compliments follow.
If the criticism happens in childhood (particularly if it is chronic), the deeper the issues take root. At an early stage, we can get hooked into feeling inadequate and easily triggered later in life.
One of the ways we can try and compensate for this is by being perfect, which even then, says Sher, is never good enough, either.
Perfection becomes a necessity as opposed to an achievement. "Being perfect is simply a "C", it's simple an average for you," she adds. "You get no satisfaction out of being perfect,"
"You're just out of danger's way, temporarily."
This feeling of never being good enough makes it impossible to get the feeling of getting an "A+", despite these high standards, she explains, while "the slightest flaw [means] all is lost".
Simply understanding how these three factors link together - criticism in childhood, feeling inadequate and the need to be perfect - can be cathartic enough in itself.
But next time you need a reminder, it is worth watching this short clip. It is a great way to recognize why you feel the way you do - and snap out of any kind of spiral those feelings of inadequacy can bring on.