Things To Think About When Your "Passion" Has Become A Thankless Slog...
When a passion project ceases to be one, we need to look at the expectations we have of it - and what we are willing to do for it.
Passion projects can be tricky, not always in finding out what they are (although that is hard enough), but more in the actual execution of them. They require a lot of effort and all too frequently they attract little (if any) reward.
They are invariably thankless tasks. We can find ourselves grafting for weeks, months, years, even, with no external validation or financial gain of any kind.
Before long, what once made us invigorated will make us feel drained; what was previously a passion will become a pain; what fulfilled us will leave us feeling resentful.
What can be done, then, about this inevitable side-effect of sticking with our dreams, when there appears to be no external evidence to convince us it is worth sticking at in the first place?
Passion At Any Cost?
There are three parts to look at here:
Let’s look at the first:
1. What Drives Us Vs What Pays The Bills
There is a key difference between being intrinsically and extrinsically motivated, as much as there is a difference in being intrinsically and extrinsically rewarded.
The first kind — being intrinsically driven — is creating-for-creating-sake, i.e. doing something for the love of it. We do this, regardless of reward.
The second kind — being extrinsically driven — is doing something for what we will get because of it i.e, money, career progression and so on. We do this, because of the reward.
How Passions Can Falter
By definition, passion projects are intrinsically-driven to begin with. There was a point in time when we did this for the joy of it.
But akin to the law of diminishing returns, what once thrilled us about our passion project will inevitably cease to at some point.
Sometimes we can get back to that basic starting point. We can emerge from our dejected state and rediscover what it was that gripped us so much in the first place — and rekindle it.
However, often the reason we can’t do this, is that we fail to notice that a new need has replaced the one that fired us up originally.
And that is invariably about making money.
The Downside Of Thinking Extrinsically
While there is absolutely nothing wrong with desiring money for our efforts, being too driven by financial gain can paradoxically have a demotivating effect.
In a 1971 study, psychologist Edward Deci found that the act of offering an external reward, (i.e. money), to an individual who was already motivated to undertake a task, had the effect of making him less motivated to do it.
When the carrot of money is dangled in front of the eyes of someone who is lost in their passion, blissfully unaware of the world around them, their focus quickly shifts to the money and not the act itself.
In other words, their creative libidos can tank.
Which brings us to point number 2:
2. Do Passion Projects Have To Make Money?
Is it a fallacy to believe we will always be financially compensated for doing what we love? And is it perfectly OK to have passion projects which don’t actually make any money at all?
The answer to the 2nd question is a resounding “yes”. It’s called having a hobby.
The 1st question is a bit trickier to answer.
There are more self-help gurus out there than we care to count who will tell us we can make our dreams come true - and get rich doing it.
Even Joseph Campbell told us to “follow our bliss”.
But did he mean in order to make money? Or did he just mean ‘therein lies the path to happiness’?
Ideally you want to get both but what Campbell wanted to stress was that we should not sacrifice one for the other.
We shouldn’t turn our back on our passion for money. But equally if we don’t get that money, the passion is still worth having:
"There’s something inside you that knows when you’re in the center, that knows when you’re on the beam or off the beam. And if you get off the beam to earn money, you’ve lost your life. And if you stay in the center and don’t get any money, you still have your bliss."
Are We Being Delusional By Wanting It All?
In Barbara Sher’s opinion, our dreams don’t need to make us money — and in fact few dreams actually do (contrary to what YouTube gurus tell us).
She argues (here) that it is a false narrative we present ourselves when we align passion with money and use the inability to earn an income from a passion project as the reason for not doing it in the first place.
Earning an income and doing something we love are invariably two separate things, no matter how much we want them to be the same, Sher says.
And we are effectively shooting ourselves in the foot if we use the former to deny ourselves the latter.
Because realistically, she says, we are not going to be able to easily support ourselves writing poetry all day long.
Having a day-job and a side-hustle or hobby, then, is the first thing to consider at this juncture.
And if that idea makes us recoil in horror, then we need to look at what we are prepared to do in the name of our passion.
And this leads us to point number 3:
3. What We Are Willing To Do
Mark Manson posted an interesting video recently regarding the issue of what we think we want out of our lives and the reality of actually doing it.
He cites the example of him craving the ideal lifestyle of a surfer (along with the sex appeal that comes with it) but admits that the actual act of learning to surf bores him stupid.
This is the reality vs the fantasy.
As Manson explains in his video, we frequently look to the lives of others and think that’s what we want but we don’t actually want to do what it takes to be like them.
This isn’t a flaw in us, it’s a sign that something isn’t for us.
The Lives Of Others
I like the idea of the lifestyle of an Instagram influencer who floats around the world looking glamorous and living in Bali off the back of multiple 6-figure sponsorship deals.
The problem is, I don’t want my life documented in photographs for all to see. It’s that simple.
The same goes for what we are willing to do in the name of our passion projects.
If we are frustrated at the lack of success we are experiencing but are unwilling to do what it takes to make it successful, we will hit a brick wall.
If we detest basic functions like marketing, promotion or networking, for example — or we don’t like the idea of actually running a business — then we need to ask ourselves a few basic questions.
So, here is the idiot's guide to some basic — and brutal — questions we need to ask ourselves when we are feeling resentful and frustrated over our lack of success.
The answers we get at this point might tell us if our frustrations are anchored in delusion, denial or procrastination.
While passion projects can begin as things that ecstatically allow us to escape reality, at some point, particularly if our needs change, we will need to face reality.
If we don’t do this, we risk sabotaging an area of our lives which can bring us unbridled joy, simply by viewing it through a distorted lens.
Want To Know What "The Shadow" Is All About? Here's An Easy Place To Start
If we want to get to know - and make peace with - the rejected and darker sides of our nature, we need to face up to our hypocrisy
When we talk to the uninitiated about Shadow Psychology: our repressed states, the idea about "integrating" our darker, unacknowledged traits in order to be fully realised "whole" human beings - we can forgive people if they look back at us blankly, unashamedly uninterested.
But mutter the word "hypocrite" in anyone's direction and we will get a decidedly different response.
We are ultimately talking about the same thing. But for anyone who isn't a self-help junkie, who hasn't studied the work of Carl Jung, been independently curious about psychological jargon, or spent time in therapy doing "shadow work", there is no reason why anyone else would even give this idea the time of day.
Hypocrisy, however, is a loaded - and very well understood - term. And it's powerful. It rocks people to their core and shakes their egos when branded in this way (if they actually listen).
There are, arguably, fewer powerful insults we can throw at someone than this one - particularly the more moral and ethical the target considers themselves to be.
It is a gift, in a sense, when we bump into it, as it is perhaps the ideal introduction into the world of Shadow Psychology, which in itself is also perhaps the most important widely ignored discipline that is so vital to our lives and well-being.
Do As I Say, Not As I Do
In psychological terms we could call it a kind of Cognitive Dissonance - the basic idea that we say one thing but believe something else or act in a way contrary to what we actually think.
It is the priest proselytizing on purity and abstinence while battling a drink problem or abusing the vulnerable; it is the avidly homophobic politician-in-public who is engaging in a homosexual relationship in private.
In essence, it is when we criticize and condemn people for acting in a way that we in fact are also acting ourselves (frequently unbeknownst to others) - and it can also be us hating on people for things we are not doing but wish we were.
As Jung once famously said:
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
Psychology and philosophy vlogger Einzelgänger gives a layman's introduction, below, and as he explains, it is not the fact that we are hypocrites in the first place that is the problem.
It is that we fail to recognize it.
We miss the opportunity to "integrate" these hidden aspects into our conscious selves so we are no longer dominated by misunderstood, unrecognized unconscious forces.
What We Resist...
Our darker urges exist because we resist looking at them.
And our hatred of other people's behaviour stems from the failure - or refusal - to recognize that the things we are villainising lie inside of us too.
Only when we bring these traits to the surface, then, facing them in the cold light of day and admit that we are, also, like that too, can they ever cease to hold power over us.
So how do we do this?
There are many different ways (you can find various techniques here).
One is via "The Work", by Byron Katie.
Katie has a simple "Judge Your Neighbor" exercise (with an explanatory video, below).
The basic idea behind it is also a fundamental lesson in hypocrisy - that whatever it is that is driving us nuts about XXX is generally the very thing we need to own up to ourselves.
And it goes without saying that it's easier to do in some cases than it is in others.
But it is always worth doing.
Take Byron Katie's