What gets your juices flowing? What do you do regardless of reward or recognition? No-one's asked you to do it, no-one's paying you to do it, but you do it anyway, because it makes you happy.

If there is anything at all, you have hit the gold standard, you have nailed intrinsic motivation, a doorway to life satisfaction, meaning, purpose and flow.

The ability to be make ourselves happy, independent of anyone else, or any external factors (like wealth, geography, a network of contacts etc) is a bonafide superpower.

It is perhaps the single most important skill we will stumble across in our lives.

It can give our lives meaning, when perhaps things aren't going our way - and give us the necessary fortitude and willingness to persevere, even if we are not receiving validation for our efforts.

It's the polar opposite of obligation.

This is something we do purely because we want to, because there is something about this activity that means something to us, that has value. 

It allows us to experience that feeling of autonomy in a singular area of our lives, even when we lack it in others.

And it means we can actually have thrilling inner lives even if we appear to be living distinctly average outer ones.


The Work Of Edward Deci

Intrinsic motivation theorist Edward Deci first realised this as a kid, as most of us do (and as he discusses in the first video, below).

He recognised that there were certain classes at school that gripped him, while others left him cold and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't muster up the same levels of enthusiasm for them.


Natural Inclinations

He had stumbled across the idea that we have natural inclinations towards certain topics or activities which become a key factor in successfully meeting key psychological needs.

He ascertains that it is the honouring of these principles that can lay the pathways to the areas of our lives that are essential to our psychological well-being: feeling happy, experiencing life satisfaction, feeling that we are valued, that we are good at something, feeling a sense of control of our lives and having a sense of purpose:

The 3 Requirements

There are three key requirements that need to be met in order to achieve this, he explains and it's the third that raises eyebrows:

We need to feel competent or effective, we need relatedness and we need autonomy:

The Problem With Control

On the other side, "controlled motivation" is about doing something because we feel we have to, whether that pressure comes from other people, society-at-large, material gain - or even ourselves. And needless to say, it's not a great place to be in.

Feeling controlled, micro-managed, coerced with rewards (even if it is with attractive sums of money), in a job we don't like can make us lose interest, sap our motivation and make us money-oriented.

And that can hammer us psychologically, says Deci in the second video (also below):

So the next time we feel that drag, that sense, at best, that we are swimming against the tide, we need to ask ourselves:

1. Are we just in it for the money?
   
2. Are we doing this for recognition?
   
3. Do we feel obliged or coerced to do this in some way?
   

We all have areas of our lives where the answer is "yes" to some of these questions. And it's not a question of radically changing everything if it's not practical.

But if there are any areas of our lives where we can feel that sense of freedom (even if it's a hobby), it's an important question to ask.

It could be vital in safeguarding not only our happiness - but our mental and physical health.

It's not unusual to run on auto-pilot, particularly when life is hectic: the diary is packed, the to-do list is brimming, the days are full.

What is unusual (and beats being busy every time) is to take a step back - as frequently as we can - and reassess; to look at what we are doing and ask ourselves: "Am I being true to myself?"

This kind of question is a catch-all for an infinite number of variations:

"Is this who I am?"
"Is this what I want?".
"Am I heading in the right direction?"
"Did I mean what I just said?"
"Do I really think that?"
"Is this person right for me?"
"Is this job/career really what I am about?"

And so on. And, as with all of them, we will, at times dislike the answers we get.

And that's a key reason why we don't ask ourselves these types of questions in the first place.

Or, we simply don't think to.


Wake-Up Calls

The thing is, if we keep dodging them, they will eventually present themselves to us in a way that we cannot escape.

This is what a mid-life crisis is all about. 

It's about having these very questions thrust starkly in front of us at a time when we feel they must be answered.

It's when we begin to accept a truth about something (or many things) that we have, perhaps, always known deep inside but ignored.

And that dereliction of duty has given us a life that isn't the one we actually want.

It becomes a crisis because by the time life forces us to confront this, it comes with a sense of urgency inevitably due to the age at which we are made to face it.

Changes, then, have to be made - and fast.


Paying The Price

This is when marriages fail, when careers implode and when nervous breakdowns come knocking. 

It is anything but pleasant.

And it is anything but the hedonistic red sports-car-driving caricature of mid-life that is so often painted for us.

What's worse is that while it will take just minutes to undo a life that has been built over decades, it might very well take years to get to the New Life - and to get there in one piece.

Inevitably, by the time we do get there, a big part of us will have wished that we had listened to that voice inside our heads so many years earlier when it was whispering, "this person isn't right for you", or "your career is killing you".


Being "Congruent"

While this form of radical self-honesty might seem a bit extreme, it doesn't always have to reach existential levels. And we don't have to wait for a crisis to make changes.

There are subtle ways we can tap into this "knowing" right at this very minute, before it reaches such a dramatic point that it is forced to become a wake-up call.

It is called congruence.

Congruence (and its opposite, incongruence) is a concept that was coined by a psychologist by the name of Carl Rogers, which Jordan Peterson delves into in each of the videos below.

Being congruent basically means aligning body, mind and spirit. It's when our beliefs, values and desires line up with our actions.

By its nature, it requires being in touch with what we really think, what we really stand for, what we really want, who we really want to be etc.

It means recognizing the little voice in our head and actually listening to it.

The Body's Messages

And as Peterson explains, if we can't hear the voice, our body will also tell us when we are out of step.  In his words, acting incongruently will make us feel "weak".

This is not weak, as in the machismo sense - it is in the sense that acting "out of alignment" dis-empowers us, destabilises us internally, puts us on the back foot.

We all know, for example, what it feels like when something feels "off", or not quite right.

We have all had a "bad feeling" about something at some point in our lives or done something and wish we hadn't as it didn't feel like us. 

We might agree to an arrangement and a big part of us wishes we hadn't. We might make a decision and feel conflicted about it. We might say something and immediately regret it.  We might push forward with a plan but it feels empty. There's no life in it. We aren't all in.

And that's what this is really about - being all in.

Because there is only so long that we can coast along, living a half-life: being in relationships that aren't right for us, working jobs we hate, being friends with people who don't have our backs, failing to connect meaningfully with people who do.

It is a form of self-betrayal which eats away at us each time we say or do something that contradicts our true nature - frequently in such subtle ways we fail to notice it at the time, if we are not paying attention.

Until at some point, much later in life, we are made to.

And when that happens, there won't be a red sports car waiting for us. 

It will be something very different, indeed.

So, you wake up, feel motivated, feel on point - today is the day. And for a few hours you are on fire, you feel like you're really getting somewhere.

And then you hit that wall.

Suddenly all that optimism you had has gone out the window and a different self emerges: one who could not give a sh*t. About anything, least of all the stuff that got you out of bed this morning.

It's the dreaded Afternoon Slump.

For most of us, who can at least recognise that is what it is, it is one of those unavoidable un-pleasantries of life where we do our best to slog on despite it, in the vain hope we can push our way through it.

The rest of us just simply question our existence and wonder why it all went so wrong.

Dan Pink has another name for it: "The Trough", which he describes as "the poison" in his book, When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing:

Or, to put it another way:

Daily Cycles

This low point of the day is part of our daily cycle, whether we like it or not.

Despite our best intentions, our motivation, mood and productivity levels follow pretty regular patterns throughout the day, every day. 

But, says Pink (as he explains in the videos below), if we can gain a detailed understanding of our own unique cycles, learn to adapt to each stage appropriately and take the right action at the right time, then happy days.


Peak, Trough & Recovery

Pink says we go through a 3-stage process  - the "Peak", the "Trough", and the "Recovery" - daily, at pretty much the same time, with us going up and down like a yo-yo, with each step .

The point that we "dip" very much depends on our "chronotype", which Pink describes as:

What defines our "type"?

Basically the time we wake up: if we are early risers (Pink calls them Larks) or late-starters (Owls).

Early risers, or Larks, will hit a "peak" in the morning, then a "trough" around 7 hours after waking up and finally will "rebound" or enter a recovery period later in the day.

Night Owls  who struggle to get out of bed before late morning will have a similar cycle, but starting from a later point in the day.


The Best Time To Get S**t Done

In terms of getting stuff done, the Peak time is where we will feel - and be - the most productive.

We are highly focused and analytical at this time, says Pink.

Creative insights and ideas come later in the day, as the Recovery stage is when we are likely to be a bit looser and more expansive in our thinking.


Navigating The Dip

The key, though, is what do we do when we hit that slump?

Pink's advice is simple: not very much.

At most do things which aren't particularly challenging, like administrative work (answering emails etc).

The trick is not to beat ourselves up if we can't deliver at the level we would like to during the "dip".

No-one can, apparently.

As such, he advises we learn to take it as a cue for "vigilant breaks": to switch gears, stop flogging ourselves and do something far less taxing instead.

So, if answering emails sounds too much to bear (particularly if we are not in the office), then we can always make the most of the fact that our brain has just turned to cheese.

We can take that nap.

It's OK, we're allowed, says Pink:

Perhaps the Spanish are on to something, Siesta, anyone?

No-one likes bullies. But the worst kind, the most insidious of them all, live inside our heads. And the reason they are so powerful is because we don't even realise they are there.

They are so deeply embedded in our thoughts, emotions, beliefs and knee-jerk reactions to situations, that we think they are us - and we think they're right.

These voices have lives of their own - and they began in the 'real world', before they leapt into our minds and started whispering in our ears.


The Critical Inner Voice

The Critical Inner Voice, as it is known, typically gets created as a defense mechanism to a painful situation.

It doesn't always require a direct criticism or scolding to develop (the growing pains of childhood inevitably spawn situations that leave us feeling inadequate) - but the negative feedback loop we get stuck in can inevitably be traced back to an individual or group of people whose words and/or actions impacted us deeply.

If we have ever been picked on, regularly criticized, felt the spotlight was on us for all the wrong reasons, the emotional charge of that event can get stuck.

And the way we were treated at the time, the kinds of judgments/expectations that were made of us and the lack of care that was given to us all get internalised.

We start talking to ourselves in the way we were spoken to that we hated so much.

And it becomes so natural to us, so automated, that we fail to realise we are even doing it.

And before long, we end up doing the original critics' jobs for them.


Recognising The Root

But breakthroughs can be as astoundingly simple as they are effective, as an interview Epiphany Channel did with architect, Greg Schriefer, shows.

Having been plagued by negative self-talk for years, what freed Schriefer was recognising where it actually came from.

When he realised that he was in fact repeating the exact words his father had said to him, he was immediately able to distance himself from the voice.

It no longer belonged to him, so he could begin a conversation with it, rather than just soak up whatever it was saying.

As Schriefer told Elise Ballard, who runs the Epiphany Channel:

Once he realised where the voice came from, he was able to identify it every time it came up again after that - and stop it in its tracks.


When There Are Upsides To That Voice

Writer Isabel Allende outlined a similar experience she had in an interview with Global Leadership TV.

But in her case, she was also able to see how it actually benefited her.

The upside to being harsh on yourself is it can drive you to be better.

Allende was able to create a successful career for herself in a time where it was unusual for a woman to do so.

And it was the high expectations and intolerance of a grandfather cracking the whip (in real life and in her head) that she says she had to thank for it. 

She told Global Leadership TV:

Finding The Right Balance

The downside was, she could never switch off, feeling guilty if she ever stopped working.

Being able to give the voice - and herself - a break has been the key to achieving a bit more balance.

And now she uses this critical voice to her advantage as and when she needs it:

The next time we get swept up by the voice inside our heads, the act of being able trace it back to its originator is well worth trying out.

Not only can it free us from the negative aspects of what it is saying - but it in some cases (depending on what it is saying) it might actually help us as well.

There's nothing as uninspiring as a blank page (metaphorically and literally speaking). Trying to figure out what to do next, whether that means writing, designing or making a life change, without actually doing anything (i.e. by just thinking about it) often does little more than keep us in a vicious cycle.

The more we try and think our way out, the blanker the "page" becomes; we try and think a bit harder - but the page never magically starts filling itself.

Aside from the odd lightening bolts, the only way out in any of these situations is through.

And therein lies the paradox.

The only way to combat our blocks or resolve whatever is keeping us stuck in a situation is to start to do whatever it is we feel we can’t do.

In this vein, Seth Godin argues there is no such thing as creative block.

Until you've dedicated thousands of hours to creating utter dross, he tells The Futur in the video (below), you can't even begin to make such a claim.


What "The Block" Actually Is

The point being, just staring at a blank piece of paper / screen does not count as having a creative block. And the reality is, the "block" is typically good old-fashioned performance anxiety, anyway. It’s our need to be perfect that can keep us "blocked".

As Godin says:

Show me 50,000 hours of writing terribly, he says, and then, he might concede we don't have what it takes. But until that day, the block is a figment of our imagination.

And this is pretty much the case for any other roadblocks we perceive in our lives that leave us feeling stuck, he argues here.


Stuck? Or Just Comfortable?

The key issue when we feel stuck, he warns, is that we can get a bit too snug and warm in the holy sanctums of our comfort zones – we get accustomed to the idea of being stuck and actually take active decisions to stay there:

How We Get Unstuck

If we want to push forward in whatever endeavour we are faced with, it’s essential we face the fact that it will always feel uncomfortable at first.

We will most likely come up with a fair amount of not-particularly-earth-shattering stuff initially.

We might make mistakes.

But, it's only by braving the period of being a rank amateur - and sticking with it anyway - by edging forward, bit by bit, that we will actually and evidentially get unstuck, he says.

And ultimately, Godin says, we only ever have three options to choose from, anyway, when we are in these situations - do something, don't do something - or obsess. 

When we think "if I could go back in life and change anything", it can be pretty easy to come up with a couple of things (or more).

And that's fine, as long as we are not still hankering after the things on our list.

We might have taken a college course, say, and quickly wished we had done something else. And despite wistfully gazing over at our peers doing XYZ for the duration, we did nothing about it.

If, years later, we still find ourselves looking at certain types of people with a degree of envy, we need to ask ourselves this: What stopped us then? And what's stopping us now?


The Work Of Carol Dweck

Carol Dweck might argue it's a Fixed Mindset.

Dweck, a Professor of Psychology at Stanford University, is behind the psychological theory of Growth Mindsets. 

Based on her research, she says that what keeps us from growing as individuals is our belief that we can't be or do what we want.

We hit a certain point and think we have reached our ceiling - or we think we were born with a limitation in the first place (or a number of them) and are lumbered with it/them for the rest of our lives.


The Magic Word Is "Yet"

Her TED Talk, "The Power of Yet" (below), delves into her findings that the kinds of kids who actually do well at school aren't necessarily naturally gifted at anything - they just take joy in challenges and, crucially, believe they can get better at things.

It is something we could all do well to remember. Perhaps we just haven't quite got to wherever we want... yet.


There Isn't A "Growth Mindset Type"

And, reassuringly, in an interview with ANZ, she points out that there isn't any particular kind of person who is blessed all round with this kind of thinking.

There isn't a "Growth Mindset Type" per se.

All of us can be optimistic about our abilities and ambitions in some areas yet crushingly pessimistic in others, she says.

And she advises we would do well to be aware of those areas of our life where we close off opportunities to ourselves in the mistaken belief we do not have what it takes to get there.

It might be wise to keep that in mind next time we catch a "fit of the envies"...

Barbara Sher offers some priceless insight into why we might feel so inadequate, regardless of evidence to the contrary.

Marrying together three areas - criticism, inadequacy and perfectionism - Sher explains how they come together to create a perfect storm that can be difficult to get out of.

When it comes to criticism, Sher signs up to the old saying, "if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all". 

Why? Well you might actually be wrong, for starters. But vitally, on a psychological level, she says, the criticisms (particularly if they are plenty) will do far more than just sting the recipient.

It will leave them feeling rejected, wounded and distrustful, and, Sher says, "they will remember the hurt", no matter how many compliments follow.


How Criticism Leads To Perfectionism

If the criticism happens in childhood (particularly if it is chronic), the deeper the issues take root.  At an early stage, we can get hooked into feeling inadequate and easily triggered later in life.

One of the ways we can try and compensate for this is by being perfect, which even then, says Sher, is never good enough, either.

Perfection becomes a necessity as opposed to an achievement, as she explains in the video below:

This feeling of never being good enough makes it impossible to get the feeling of getting an "A+", despite these high standards, she explains, and god forbid we get less than that: 

Simply understanding how these three factors link together - criticism in childhood, feeling inadequate and the need to be perfect - can be cathartic enough in itself.

But next time you need a reminder, it is worth watching this short clip.

It is a great way to recognize why you feel the way you do - and snap out of any kind of spiral those feelings of inadequacy can bring on.

Tim Ferriss has some unusual advice: if you want to be good at something, don't aim for the stars.  The secret is to aim much lower than that - even for the trash.

Why? It makes the task you are facing far less intimidating and easier-to-achieve.

And it is that feeling of achievement that gets the creative juices flowing.


What Kills Productivity

Feeling overwhelmed by a job-at-hand - i.e. living in a state of performance anxiety or creative paralysis - is a perfect breeding ground for creative block and procrastination to take root.

That feeling of overwhelm can often happen when we are thinking too big.

We are setting impossibly high standards for ourselves,  placing obstacles in our path before we have even got started.

As Ferriss says in this clip from Creative Live, the question to ask at that point is:

If that's the case, then it needs to be nipped in the bud straight away. And to do that, says Ferriss, the trick is to set a challenge that is idiot-proof.


The Lesson Of IBM

He takes inspiration from IBM, of all companies, which, when it was at its height, was famous for having an "incredibly effective" sales-force that "smashed their quotas".

One of the reasons for this was IBM's policy of keeping sales targets very low, as Ferriss explains:

Which they did.

And it it this idea of aiming low that can be applied across all disciplines in order to give ourselves a kick-start, he argues.


"Two Crappy Pages"

For writers, it would mean this: instead of setting yourself an incredibly high goal of writing 10 brilliant pages of prose in a single sitting, simply aim for "two crappy ones".

The latter is far easier to do, is liberating in its nature as you can literally write anything - and most importantly,  it will give you the feeling that you have achieved something.

It will be this feeling in itself, says Ferriss, that will ultimately help get your creative wheels turning and the doors of productivity will be far more likely to open:

So, the next time you're hitting that wall, ask yourself if it's set a bit high.

Are you expecting brilliance to come straight away? If so, firstly forgive yourself if it is having a paralysing effect.

And then take joy in the fact that not only is it perfectly OK to be a bit "crappy" at times - it could be exactly what is required.