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9/30/2019

B Is For... Boredom

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BORED & RESTLESS

Want A Life Of Creative Breakthroughs, Purpose & Meaning? It's Time To Embrace Being Bored

It might feel like hell, but if the science is right, boredom, apathy and listlessness could very well be doorways to creative heaven.
Ah, how nice it feels to achieve something -  anything, in fact. And how frustrating are the days when it feels beyond our reach.

We are just not getting anywhere, what previously enchanted us now irritates us - worse, it bores us stupid. And the panic sets in. Is it time to call it a day?

Well, yes, in a word. But quitting doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing, as Veritasium explains in the video, below.

It turns out that when we hit a wall and enter that period of abject misery called apathy or boredom, it is actually a gift in disguise - as long as we resist the urge to distract ourselves from it.

The trick is to let it be, to soak it up to its fullest - and the payoffs are somewhat unexpected:


1. A Boost Of Creativity You Might Not Otherwise Get

According to scientific studies, there could be a direct correlation between the level of boredom you feel (slight, intense, mind-numbing etc) to the corresponding bursts of creativity you can benefit from as a result. The more bored you are, it seems, the better your ideas can get, is the theory.


2. Higher Levels Of Motivation

A key factor that motivates us into changing situations is finding ourselves in ones we don't like, so in this sense boredom tells us when it is time to shake things up. As Veritasium explains:


"Boredom is both a warning that we are not doing what we want to be doing and a push that motivates us to switch goals and projects."



3. Increased Feelings Of Altruism & Purpose


If boredom hits existential crisis-level and you're questioning what you're doing with your life, this, also, has its upside. Studies have found that boredom has utimately lead people towards altruism, which, as Veritisium adds, can put the fire back in your belly:


"The silver lining is that it may trigger you to think about others and what you can do to help them. And that provides an immediate and concrete purpose to a life that might momentarily feel like it's lacking one."



4. Increased Clarity Regarding Goal-Setting


Lastly, one of the most unexpected, and needless to say, ironic, by-products of aimlessness is a a higher level of clarity when it comes to setting goals.

When you start asking yourself what you want to do with your life, you might find yourself in a scenario called Autobiographical Planning, he says, which is "to consider your life as a story and where you want it to go in future."


"In this way, being bored is essential for goal-setting".


So the idea here is, don't worry the next time apathy hits and you start questioning everything. It could actually be a very good thing that you are...



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9/28/2019

I Is For... Inadequacy (& Its Roots)

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INADEQUATE

Barbara Sher On Criticism: This Might Help You Get Why You Feel So Inadequate

Understanding our feelings of inadequacy might very well help to dispel them next time they come knocking
Barbara Sher offers some priceless insight into why we might feel so inadequate, regardless of evidence to the contrary.

Marrying together three areas - criticism, inadequacy and perfectionism - Sher explains how they come together to create a perfect storm that can be difficult to get out of.

When it comes to criticism, Sher signs up to the old saying, "if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all". 

Why? Well you might actually be wrong, for starters. But vitally, on a psychological level, she says, the criticisms (particularly if they are plenty) will do far more than just sting the recipient.

It will leave them feeling rejected, wounded and distrustful, and, Sher says, "they will remember the hurt", no matter how many compliments follow.


How Criticism Leads To Perfectionism

If the criticism happens in childhood (particularly if it is chronic), the deeper the issues take root.  At an early stage, we can get hooked into feeling inadequate and easily triggered later in life.

One of the ways we can try and compensate for this is by being perfect, which even then, says Sher, is never good enough, either.

Perfection becomes a necessity as opposed to an achievement, as she explains in the video below:


"Being perfect is simply a "C", it's simple an average for you. You get no satisfaction out of being perfect. You're just out of danger's way, temporarily."


This feeling of never being good enough makes it impossible to get the feeling of getting an "A+", despite these high standards, she explains, and god forbid we get less than that: 


"The slightest flaw [means] all is lost".


Simply understanding how these three factors link together - criticism in childhood, feeling inadequate and the need to be perfect - can be cathartic enough in itself.

But next time you need a reminder, it is worth watching this short clip.

It is a great way to recognize why you feel the way you do - and snap out of any kind of spiral those feelings of inadequacy can bring on.



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9/27/2019

S Is For... "SatisficE"

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DECISIONS, DECISIONS

Barry Schwartz On Satisficing: When "Good Enough" Is Better Than "The Best"

It's not giving up and it's not settling for second best. Why learning the art of being "satisficed" is key to decision-making & happiness
Can "good enough" really ever be good enough? Your answer to that question will determine which of the following two categories you typically fall under: Maximiser or Satisficer (and yes, it is spelt that way).

According to psychologist Barry Schwartz, a Maximiser wants the absolute best of everything. It has to be perfect, nothing less will do and all options must be exhausted before the holy-grail-of-whatever is finally found.

While this might seem admirable - and in certain situations, it is - a Satisficer is often the one who actually wins out in the end, according to research.


Satisficers Vs Maximisers

A Satisficer has a clear idea of what they are looking for but will happily settle for the first option that meets their requirements.

They make their decisions quicker (saving time), maintain higher levels of satisfaction with their choice, have fewer regrets and are less likely to compare themselves to others, leading to higher levels of happiness.

Conversely, Maximisers might ultimately be more successful in life - including financially - but are less grateful for what they have.

The issue is perpetual dissatisfaction, always wondering if there is something better out there that they have not yet discovered. Not surprisingly, people in this category can be prone to depression.


Why We Need Satisficing

Being satisficed with your lot, then, might be something worth considering, at least in the a short term. Getting tangled up in a quandry over every single decision can be frustrating, self-defeating and demoralising.

It can also distract you from other things you can be getting on with and there is a lot of evidence to say you will come up with a "better idea" at a later point, anyway, if you switch off and walk away.

And if that's not enough, practicing satisficing as a technique can be a nice way of confronting any perfectionist tendencies you might be secretly harbouring.  So the next time you spend an innordinate amount of time  internally anguishing over the ramifications of that decision you just took, then this might be just the thing for you.


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9/25/2019

H Is For... Hate

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SHADOW SELF

What We Can Learn From The People We Hate

People who trigger us beyond belief might be doing us a
pretty big favour - by dragging us out of denial

There's a well-accepted idea that we should look to positive role models for guidance on how to live. While that philosophy certainly has its merits, little is said about looking to those we hate.

There is an argument for focusing our attentions closely on the people we can't stand: the ones who seem to trigger us beyond all comprehension, whose actions are of such paramount importance to us, it becomes a point of obsession.

We resent these people because they are arrogant, pushy, loud, attention-seeking and overly critical or we despise them because they are complainers, small-minded, spineless and weak.

What Shadow Psychology has to teach us about this is key.


Me & My Shadow

It advises us to get to know our "shadow selves"; that is our repressed states, those parts of us we do not allow out to see the light of day. These traits and behaviours can get buried at a very early age. They can also get locked away later in life in response to highly stressful events.

Ever answered back and got punished for it? Expressed yourself freely and were laughed at or shut down? Had a "great friend" and get betrayed?

Your open and trusting side is likely to take a hammering if you get stabbed in the back.

Your natural exuberance might get diluted if you were repeatedly criticised for it ("stop being so annoying", "you're such a show off"). 

And your creative self-belief might dwindle to zero if you believed the person who criticised you more than you did your own natural inclinations.


How We Express What We Repress

This is why, later in life, when you have had years of practice being a "good" girl or boy, you have learnt to fit in, shelved those silly ideas of being an artist/writer/ designer etc and become skilled at keeping your mouth shut and your nose clean, that someone might come along and remind you of who you used to be.

And you might very well hate them for it.


We Are What We Project

Steve Mortenson, who teaches at the University of Delaware, says, in his TEDx talk, below, that we would be wise to become aware of the "shadow projections" we place on people: what they actually say about ourselves (and who we are not being) - and the power we give away when we fail to take ownership of the long lost traits, skills and talents that have got shoved to one side along the road.

Perhaps then, we will recognise that when we curse the people who are expressing them freely, that what we are actually saying to ourselves is that we can never do or be that too.

And when we do begin to re-integrate our "lost selves" we will find these people do not bother us so much in the end, after all.



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9/24/2019

T Is For... "Two Crappy Pages"

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TARGET

Stop Aiming High & Lower Your Standards. Sounds Like Bad Advice? Think Again

Some unconventional wisdom on getting your creative juices flowing
Tim Ferriss has some unusual advice: if you want to be good at something, don't aim for the stars.  The secret is to aim much lower than that - even for the trash.

Why? It makes the task you are facing far less intimidating and easier-to-achieve.

And it is that feeling of achievement that gets the creative juices flowing.


What Kills Productivity

Feeling overwhelmed by a job-at-hand - i.e. living in a state of performance anxiety or creative paralysis - is a perfect breeding ground for creative block and procrastination to take root.

That feeling of overwhelm can often happen when we are thinking too big.

We are setting impossibly high standards for ourselves,  placing obstacles in our path before we have even got started.

As Ferriss says in this clip from Creative Live, the question to ask at that point is:


"Am I making this harder than it needs to be?


If that's the case, then it needs to be nipped in the bud straight away. And to do that, says Ferriss, the trick is to set a challenge that is idiot-proof.


The Lesson Of IBM

He takes inspiration from IBM, of all companies, which, when it was at its height, was famous for having an "incredibly effective" sales-force that "smashed their quotas".

One of the reasons for this was IBM's policy of keeping sales targets very low, as Ferriss explains:


"They wanted the sales people to not be intimidated to pick up the phone. They wanted to build that sales momentum. And then people would overshoot their goals."


Which they did.

And it it this idea of aiming low that can be applied across all disciplines in order to give ourselves a kick-start, he argues.


"Two Crappy Pages"

For writers, it would mean this: instead of setting yourself an incredibly high goal of writing 10 brilliant pages of prose in a single sitting, simply aim for "two crappy ones".

The latter is far easier to do, is liberating in its nature as you can literally write anything - and most importantly,  it will give you the feeling that you have achieved something.

It will be this feeling in itself, says Ferriss, that will ultimately help get your creative wheels turning and the doors of productivity will be far more likely to open:


"Alleviating that performance anxiety... allows you to overshoot that goal and continually succeed and... build that confidence and momentum."


So, the next time you're hitting that wall, ask yourself if it's set a bit high.

Are you expecting brilliance to come straight away? If so, firstly forgive yourself if it is having a paralysing effect.

And then take joy in the fact that not only is it perfectly OK to be a bit "crappy" at times - it could be exactly what is required.



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9/23/2019

G Is For... Grit

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GRIT

Angela Duckworth On Grit: In The Long Run, This Is The Trait That Counts

Intelligence, talent or status can't guarantee you this skill. But in the long run, it could very well be the one that matters the most
Some words don't give their meaning justice. And some are just off-putting. "Grit" is one of these words.

It sounds harsh, mechanical, heartless; a "pull-yourself-together-and get-on-with-it" type word. It isn't particularly reassuring, uplifting or inspiring. And it can feel grating on the ears if offered as a suggestion when you are faced by what feels like an impossible task ahead of you.

But grit isn't about testosterone-fuelled chest-pounding. You don't have to be Tarzan to have it.

And you certainly don't have to be Tony Robbins to use it.


Who Has Grit?

Grit can be gentle, it can be slow, it can be plodding. The people who have grit are simply the ones who can marry their dedication to a wish or a task or a cause with a drive and commitment to carry it out (at whatever pace).

You can still be a loner, the shy one, a dreamer, the basket case in the corner - and have this trait.

Conversely, you can have the world's highest IQ, a god-given talent and come from a blessed background and not have it.

As Angela Duckworth explains in her TED talk, below, what ultimately counts is how we approach life and its obstacles - and how hard we work to overcome them:


"Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future, day in, day out, not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years, and working really hard to make that future a reality. Grit is living life like it's a marathon, not a sprint."


It is the domain of (and can be learnt by) anyone who is willing to stick at it hell or high-water and, vitally, who is also able to adopt a "Growth Mindset", which is being able to admit that you can improve - always.

And, as Duckworth believes, it is these kinds of people who win in the end - in all walks of life.



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