Passion projects can be tricky, not always in finding out what they are (although that is hard enough), but more in the actual execution of them. They require a lot of effort and all too frequently they attract little (if any) reward.

They are invariably thankless tasks. We can find ourselves grafting for weeks, months, years, even, with no external validation or financial gain of any kind.

Before long, what once made us invigorated will make us feel drained; what was previously a passion will become a pain; what fulfilled us will leave us feeling resentful.

What can be done, then, about this inevitable side-effect of sticking with our dreams, when there appears to be no external evidence to convince us it is worth sticking at in the first place?


Passion At Any Cost?

There are three parts to look at here:

1. What Drives Us Vs What Pays The Bills
2. If Passion Projects Have To Make Money
3. What We Are Willing To Do (In The Name Of Our Passion)

Let’s look at the first:


1. What Drives Us Vs What Pays The Bills

There is a key difference between being intrinsically and extrinsically motivated, as much as there is a difference in being intrinsically and extrinsically rewarded.

The first kind — being intrinsically driven — is creating-for-creating-sake, i.e. doing something for the love of it. We do this, regardless of reward.

The second kind — being extrinsically driven — is doing something for what we will get because of it i.e, money, career progression and so on. We do this, because of the reward.


How Passions Can Falter

By definition, passion projects are intrinsically-driven to begin with. There was a point in time when we did this for the joy of it.

But akin to the law of diminishing returns, what once thrilled us about our passion project will inevitably cease to at some point.

Sometimes we can get back to that basic starting point. We can emerge from our dejected state and rediscover what it was that gripped us so much in the first place — and rekindle it.

However, often the reason we can’t do this, is that we fail to notice that a new need has replaced the one that fired us up originally.

And that is invariably about making money.


The Downside Of Thinking Extrinsically

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with desiring money for our efforts, being too driven by financial gain can paradoxically have a demotivating effect.

In a 1971 study, psychologist Edward Deci found that the act of offering an external reward, (i.e. money), to an individual who was already motivated to undertake a task, had the effect of making him less motivated to do it.

When the carrot of money is dangled in front of the eyes of someone who is lost in their passion, blissfully unaware of the world around them, their focus quickly shifts to the money and not the act itself.

In other words, their creative libidos can tank.

Which brings us to point number 2:


2. Do Passion Projects Have To Make Money?

Is it a fallacy to believe we will always be financially compensated for doing what we love? And is it perfectly OK to have passion projects which don’t actually make any money at all?

The answer to the 2nd question is a resounding “yes”. It’s called having a hobby.

The 1st question is a bit trickier to answer.

There are more self-help gurus out there than we care to count who will tell us we can make our dreams come true - and get rich doing it.

Even Joseph Campbell told us to “follow our bliss”. 

But did he mean in order to make money? Or did he just mean ‘therein lies the path to happiness’?

Ideally you want to get both but what Campbell wanted to stress was that we should not sacrifice one for the other.

We shouldn’t turn our back on our passion for money. But equally if we don’t get that money, the passion is still worth having:

Are We Being Delusional By Wanting It All?

In Barbara Sher’s opinion, our dreams don’t need to make us money — and in fact few dreams actually do (contrary to what YouTube gurus tell us).

She argues (here) that it is a false narrative we present ourselves when we align passion with money and use the inability to earn an income from a passion project as the reason for not doing it in the first place.

Earning an income and doing something we love are invariably two separate things, no matter how much we want them to be the same, Sher says.

And we are effectively shooting ourselves in the foot if we use the former to deny ourselves the latter. 

Because realistically, she says, we are not going to be able to easily support ourselves writing poetry all day long.

Having a day-job and a side-hustle or hobby, then, is the first thing to consider at this juncture.

And if that idea makes us recoil in horror, then we need to look at what we are prepared to do in the name of our passion.

And this leads us to point number 3:


3. What We Are Willing To Do 

Mark Manson posted an interesting video recently regarding the issue of what we think we want out of our lives and the reality of actually doing it.

He cites the example of him craving the ideal lifestyle of a surfer (along with the sex appeal that comes with it) but admits that the actual act of learning to surf bores him stupid.

This is the reality vs the fantasy.

As Manson explains in his video, we frequently look to the lives of others and think that’s what we want but we don’t actually want to do what it takes to be like them.

This isn’t a flaw in us, it’s a sign that something isn’t for us.

The Lives Of Others

I like the idea of the lifestyle of an Instagram influencer who floats around the world looking glamorous and living in Bali off the back of multiple 6-figure sponsorship deals.

The problem is, I don’t want my life documented in photographs for all to see. It’s that simple.

The same goes for what we are willing to do in the name of our passion projects.

If we are frustrated at the lack of success we are experiencing but are unwilling to do what it takes to make it successful, we will hit a brick wall.

If we detest basic functions like marketing, promotion or networking, for example — or we don’t like the idea of actually running a business — then we need to ask ourselves a few basic questions.


Basic Questions

So, here is the idiot's guide to some basic — and brutal — questions we need to ask ourselves when we are feeling resentful and frustrated over our lack of success.

• Why are we doing this?
• Is this actually a hobby or something bigger?
• Will anyone else get value out of this?
• Is it something people are willing to pay for (or ever will be)?
• Is it linked to a viable business model?
• Are we willing to undertake business-like activities? If not now, will this change in the future?
• Do we actually want to run a business?
• Is it better to look elsewhere to bolster our incomes? OR are we prepared to radically re-evaluate what we are willing to do with our passions?

The answers we get at this point might tell us if our frustrations are anchored in delusion, denial or procrastination.

While passion projects can begin as things that ecstatically allow us to escape reality, at some point, particularly if our needs change, we will need to face reality.

If we don’t do this, we risk sabotaging an area of our lives which can bring us unbridled joy, simply by viewing it through a distorted lens.

I would argue that the number one killer of creativity (and happiness, in general, for that matter) is the need for brilliance.

It‘s paralyzing. It‘s also depressing, as it is steeped in — and is rocket fuel for — feelings of gross inadequacy.

If we didn’t feel inadequate already, then piling ridiculous expectations on ourselves for something we haven’t even done yet (or have/own/become) is a guaranteed way to get there.

When we aim disproportionately too high, the Ugly Sister of Inadequacy — the Critical Inner Voice — is then, by default, given free reign to well and truly put the boot in.

It relishes this as an opportunity to remind us in a myriad of ways just how much of a ridiculous failure we really are. “We’re never going to get there”, it whispers, “So, why bother?”

This is not to say we shouldn’t aim high in life, by the way. But there are times when it helps to scale it back a bit.


The Joy Of Zero Expectations

Having zero expectations is a joy in itself — regardless of what comes of it (which is literally the point).

There is so much pressure in life to be “this”, look like “that” and live an Instagram-worthy life. It’s flat-out miraculous to find a place in this world where we can be completely free of any expectations.

And that is why creating-without-expectation is so incredibly healthy. It is creativity for creativity’s sake, giving us that one sacred place, free of obligation, where we can just be.


Finding Our True Voices

Dropping our expectations, or our ambition, every now and again can also free us from hive-like thinking, which is vital if we are to act in a way that is unique to each and every one of us.

Often our goals (and ultimately our identities) our influenced largely by people we see in the world who have already “made it”.

We want to be like them, we think they have found the perfect formula, which, if followed to the letter will make us as “happy” and “successful” as they are.

Before we realise it, we have modeled our ideas and lives on them.

So, if we want to be a successful blogger, for example, we might obediently look at what other successful bloggers have done and think — “there’s the formula — they’ve got it right”.

So, we just do what they do. We operate on the assumption that if we follow their rules, implement their procedures, reach out to the same kinds of people, then bingo — we’ll be like them and we’ll have the kinds of lives they have.

And while that might actually work in some cases, we need to ask ourselves if this is it what we actually want for ourselves?

Is there a certain degree of emptiness in this approach? Are we denying ourselves the ability to chart our own paths?

As Joseph Campbell once said:

Charting Our Own Paths

Paradoxically, embracing a lack of ambition and significantly lowering our expectations are what allows us to find out what our path actually looks like.

Here are some ways it helps:

1. Procrastination
We can sideline procrastination and actually get started on something new (rather than just fantasize about it), because it doesn’t really matter. The pressure is off.

(As Mel Robbins argues here, excessively ambitious plans can be the very thing that prevents us from actually starting a new project, because of the inordinate pressure it puts on us.)

2. Risk-Taking
We can take risks when we are in this state as we are not trying to prove anything to anyone. As a result, we are far more likely to try something new, or take a new approach — and do something that’s more like us.

3. Creative Block
Being a bit crap allows us to avoid creative blocks. We can actually leverage it as a technique when we need to.

(Tim Ferriss testifies to this approach with his “Two Crappy Pages” tip.)

4. Purpose
Following our natural inclination to do something, regardless of the outcome, can be a gateway to discovering what really matters to us. This is what will bring us greater meaning and a sense of purpose in the long run.

5. Intrinsic Motivation
By creating something for the simple joy of doing it, we get a taste for what it feels like to be intrinsically motivated. There are no expectations on us, no-one is asking us (or paying us, even) to do this — we are acting autonomously, which in turns gives us:

6. Agency
We gain a sense of agency from doing something we are not obligated to do. We gain a feeling of control over part of our lives, that we might not otherwise have in other areas, which is vital to our health and well-being.

7. Flow/The Zone
Being intrinsically driven and autonomously led are vital ingredients for entering that elusive — and highly sought-after — flow state. Doing what we genuinely like to do — without expectation — is far more likely to get us in the zone than killing ourselves with unreasonable expectations and following cookie-cutter methods to get what we think we should have.

8. Eureka Moments
Ideas come when we are not trying — when we have switched off. Dropping the expectations, easing up on ourselves and literally going with the flow is then far more likely to lead to those breakthrough moments. And this, ironically, will likely take us to that magical place we had, at last, stopped chasing after.

It's not unusual to run on auto-pilot, particularly when life is hectic: the diary is packed, the to-do list is brimming, the days are full.

What is unusual (and beats being busy every time) is to take a step back - as frequently as we can - and reassess; to look at what we are doing and ask ourselves: "Am I being true to myself?"

This kind of question is a catch-all for an infinite number of variations:

"Is this who I am?"
"Is this what I want?".
"Am I heading in the right direction?"
"Did I mean what I just said?"
"Do I really think that?"
"Is this person right for me?"
"Is this job/career really what I am about?"

And so on. And, as with all of them, we will, at times dislike the answers we get.

And that's a key reason why we don't ask ourselves these types of questions in the first place.

Or, we simply don't think to.


Wake-Up Calls

The thing is, if we keep dodging them, they will eventually present themselves to us in a way that we cannot escape.

This is what a mid-life crisis is all about. 

It's about having these very questions thrust starkly in front of us at a time when we feel they must be answered.

It's when we begin to accept a truth about something (or many things) that we have, perhaps, always known deep inside but ignored.

And that dereliction of duty has given us a life that isn't the one we actually want.

It becomes a crisis because by the time life forces us to confront this, it comes with a sense of urgency inevitably due to the age at which we are made to face it.

Changes, then, have to be made - and fast.


Paying The Price

This is when marriages fail, when careers implode and when nervous breakdowns come knocking. 

It is anything but pleasant.

And it is anything but the hedonistic red sports-car-driving caricature of mid-life that is so often painted for us.

What's worse is that while it will take just minutes to undo a life that has been built over decades, it might very well take years to get to the New Life - and to get there in one piece.

Inevitably, by the time we do get there, a big part of us will have wished that we had listened to that voice inside our heads so many years earlier when it was whispering, "this person isn't right for you", or "your career is killing you".


Being "Congruent"

While this form of radical self-honesty might seem a bit extreme, it doesn't always have to reach existential levels. And we don't have to wait for a crisis to make changes.

There are subtle ways we can tap into this "knowing" right at this very minute, before it reaches such a dramatic point that it is forced to become a wake-up call.

It is called congruence.

Congruence (and its opposite, incongruence) is a concept that was coined by a psychologist by the name of Carl Rogers, which Jordan Peterson delves into in each of the videos below.

Being congruent basically means aligning body, mind and spirit. It's when our beliefs, values and desires line up with our actions.

By its nature, it requires being in touch with what we really think, what we really stand for, what we really want, who we really want to be etc.

It means recognizing the little voice in our head and actually listening to it.

The Body's Messages

And as Peterson explains, if we can't hear the voice, our body will also tell us when we are out of step.  In his words, acting incongruently will make us feel "weak".

This is not weak, as in the machismo sense - it is in the sense that acting "out of alignment" dis-empowers us, destabilises us internally, puts us on the back foot.

We all know, for example, what it feels like when something feels "off", or not quite right.

We have all had a "bad feeling" about something at some point in our lives or done something and wish we hadn't as it didn't feel like us. 

We might agree to an arrangement and a big part of us wishes we hadn't. We might make a decision and feel conflicted about it. We might say something and immediately regret it.  We might push forward with a plan but it feels empty. There's no life in it. We aren't all in.

And that's what this is really about - being all in.

Because there is only so long that we can coast along, living a half-life: being in relationships that aren't right for us, working jobs we hate, being friends with people who don't have our backs, failing to connect meaningfully with people who do.

It is a form of self-betrayal which eats away at us each time we say or do something that contradicts our true nature - frequently in such subtle ways we fail to notice it at the time, if we are not paying attention.

Until at some point, much later in life, we are made to.

And when that happens, there won't be a red sports car waiting for us. 

It will be something very different, indeed.

When  we talk to the uninitiated about Shadow Psychology: our repressed states, the idea about "integrating" our darker, unacknowledged traits in order to be fully realised "whole" human beings - we can forgive people if they look back at us blankly,  unashamedly uninterested.

But mutter the word "hypocrite" in anyone's direction and we will get a decidedly different response.

We are ultimately talking about the same thing. But for anyone who isn't a self-help junkie, who hasn't studied the work of Carl Jung, been independently curious about psychological jargon, or spent time in therapy doing "shadow work", there is no reason why anyone else would even give this idea the time of day.

Hypocrisy, however, is a loaded - and very well understood - term.  And it's powerful. It rocks people to their core and shakes their egos when branded in this way (if they actually listen).

There are, arguably, fewer powerful insults we can throw at someone than this one - particularly the more moral and ethical the target considers themselves to be.

It is a gift, in a sense, when we bump into it, as it is perhaps the ideal introduction into the world of Shadow Psychology, which in itself is also perhaps the most important widely ignored discipline that is so vital to our lives and well-being.


Do As I Say, Not As I Do

In psychological terms we could call it a kind of Cognitive Dissonance - the basic idea that we say one thing but believe something else or act in a way contrary to what we actually think.

It is the priest proselytizing on purity and abstinence while battling a drink problem or abusing the vulnerable; it is the avidly homophobic politician-in-public who is engaging in a homosexual relationship in private.

In essence, it is  when we criticize and condemn people for acting in a way that we in fact are also acting ourselves (frequently unbeknownst to others) - and it can also be us hating on people for things we are not doing but wish we were.

As Jung once famously said:

Psychology and philosophy vlogger Einzelgänger gives a layman's introduction, below, and as he explains, it is not the fact that we are hypocrites in the first place that is the problem.

It is that we fail to recognize it.

We miss the opportunity to "integrate" these hidden aspects into our conscious selves so we are no longer dominated by misunderstood, unrecognized unconscious forces.

What We Resist...

Our darker urges exist because we resist looking at them.

And our hatred of other people's behaviour stems from the failure - or refusal - to recognize that the things we are villainising lie inside of us too.

Only when we bring these traits to the surface, then, facing them in the cold light of day and admit that we are, also, like that too, can they ever cease to hold power over us.

So how do we do this?


"The Work"

There are many different ways (you can find various techniques here).

One is via "The Work", by Byron Katie. 

Katie has a simple "Judge Your Neighbor" exercise (with an explanatory video, below).

The basic idea behind it is also a fundamental lesson in hypocrisy - that whatever it is that is driving us nuts about XXX is generally the very thing we need to own up to ourselves.

And it goes without saying that it's easier to do in some cases than it is in others.

But it is always worth doing.

Why?

We can't hope to function very well in this world at the very least - or flourish at best - if we are walking around like zombified automatons, unaware of what we think, what drives us, what hatred we secretly harbour, remaining ignorant of how objectionable we might actually be.

It stands to reason.

At the very least, as Jung says, if we learn to recognize the hypocrisy in ourselves, it might not only make us whole but it might just make us connect with people a little bit better:

And any of us who say we couldn't care less how other people feel, or how other people feel about us are either raging psychopaths, or just haven't looked squarely at ourselves in the mirror for quite some time.

Perhaps it's time we did.

It feels extremely satisfying coming to the end of a task, completing something, getting stuff done, particularly if it has taken a lot of work to do.

The joy of facing the next day with a clean slate.

While this might sound like something worth aiming for (and in certain cases it can be), it can also, paradoxically be hazardous for our productivity levels.

In fact, being too proficient at getting stuff done can be the very thing that can stop us from being able to get started the next day.


The Perils Of A Blank Slate

Any of us who have ever suffered from creative block knows how excruciating it is to stare endlessly at a blank page (figuratively or otherwise), praying for inspiration to come flooding in.

We all know that the magic never came that way.

That's why some of the best advice out there for creatives who find themselves in this position is just to write/create something, anything - even if it's complete drivel.

It gets the wheels turning and gives us something to work with (see Mark Manson's tip, the "Do Something Principle", and Tim Ferriss, with his "Two Crappy Pages").


The Zeigarnik Effect

But there's another, arguably easier, way.

It requires walking away from a creative task before it is done and, specifically, to resist the urge to complete it before we hit the hay.

That incomplete task will linger in our minds and compel us to go back to it. Our brains can't help it. We need closure.

This phenomenon is called The Zeigarnik Effect.

Named after psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik, the concept was inspired by an observation that waiters in a restaurant had an uncanny ability to remember details about orders only up until the point that the food had been served.

Once service was complete, so was any memory they had of the details of it.

It led Zeigarnik to later conclude that we had a significantly higher likelihood to recall unfinished tasks (and forget completed ones), as author and psychologist Adam Grant, notes in his book, Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World:

"Open Loops"

These things left undone, which play on our minds, are called "Open Loops".

These "loops" or incomplete tasks, cause an internal tension in our minds, where we can't stop thinking about them, as Video essayist, Will Schoder explains in the video below:

But that's not all it does. It also boosts our motivation to do them.

Says Schoder:

So having a task left undone is, by default, a kind of way round creative block and procrastination.

Always make sure we have something to do and we won't ever have to face the dreaded blank slate.


Strategic Procrastination

There is another term for this, according Grant. He calls it "Strategic Procrastination".

Strategic Procrastination is the deliberate act of putting something off to ensure it stays in our minds and that we pick it up again.

It also means giving ourselves the time and space we need to potentially come up with better ideas. And it has been unwittingly applied by the likes of Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King throughout history, according to Grant.

So the next you want something to get up for and you are hellbent on increasing your chances of getting in "the zone", then put it down - whatever it is you're working on.

It will still be there tomorrow and you'll be thankful it is.

A recent article in The Guardian, kind of summed up by its title ("A dirty secret: you can only be a writer if you can afford it"), has done its bit to blow the lid on an entire industry - and also an idealised view on life we all might be guilty of having.

That view is that achieving our dreams is somehow egalitarian in its nature - available to all; that all you need is talent and passion and fate will take care of the rest.

This author's inconvenient truth, when it comes to the literary business, however, is that this idea simply isn't true.

You need financial backing if you want to be a writer, says Lynn Steger.

That means at a very basic level, you need to be able to pay the rent, pay the bills and buy food while you are penning the next classic work of literature (and then you might have to pay out a very tidy sum to publicise the thing if you want anyone to know it actually exists).


Facing A Few Home Truths

Very few people can do this, Steger notes.

And the ones who can are either already well-taken care of financially - or have a partner who can pick up the slack while they take X amount of months off work to allow themselves the sufficient time and space they need to be creative.

As she writes:

What she means is that it's actually very hard to make a living as a writer.

And the wider truth is that a lot of people we might look up to, that appear to have "made it", might very well have had pre-existing income to draw on - or a helping hand along the way.

And its our lack of appreciation for this fact that gives us a distorted idea of what it actually takes to be successful if we are not already in a privileged position of some kind.


(Not) Having Your Cake & Eating It

This is the reality of the publishing game. It is also the reality of most other games.

If you do not have a network of backers and if you are not sitting on a pile of cash, it can be very difficult to "follow your passion" if you are a Regular Joe.

But it gets even harder if you expect to fulfill your dreams but you also want to have all the bells and whistles life has on offer at the same time.

Try financing a mortgage, driving a nice car, paying for twice-yearly holidays and decking yourself out in fashionable attire, whilst also breaking in to a new area.


Ambition Requires... Minimalism?

This is where sacrifice comes in.

As entrepreneur Gary Vaynerchuk explains in the videos below, one of the key components of ambition is actually minimalism.

In order to give ourselves a chance of succeeding at what actually makes us happy, we need to drastically cut back on things that only appear to.

And this is where we can hit a wall.


Dealing With Stigma

It might be the social stigma of not driving a certain car, not wearing luxury branded shoes, not being able to maintain the same kind of social life as our friends.

Or it could be the shame that comes from our new pared down, scaled back life, particularly if we have done something as dramatic (and socially unacceptable) as move back in with our parents, something Vaynerchuk is a big proponent of (at any age).

But, as Vaynerchuk argues, not only is there no shame in sacrificing any of these things (i.e. our material possessions or social status), if we want to really make it - it might actually be our only real chance of succeeding if we are really serious about seeing our dreams through.

So, in the absence of backers, a pre-existing pot of cash to fall back on, or someone who can subsidize us while we chase our dreams, at some point we have to decide.

Are we willing to "slum it" in order to "make it"? 

When it comes down to it, what really matters to us the most?

Only then will we know for sure if our dreams are actually more than just pipe-dreams.

According to the principles of Hedonic Adaptation (or The Hedonic Treadmill), anything that once gave us joy will cease to at some point in the future.

It might be within a relatively short period of time, too, which can come as a bit of a shocker when you feel you have stumbled across a significant piece of good fortune or have discovered an elixir of some kind.

It could be juicing, hiking, fasting - or it could just be getting high. It's great at first but after a while, it becomes the new normal and in order to get that kick again, you need to amp it up a bit (and again and again).

There are obvious downsides to this approach.

But any kind of addictive behaviour - even "healthy addictions" like exercise can be, at their core, a need to get that original feeling of elation that came the very first time we did it.


Think The Lottery Will Make You Happy?

This principle, that we adapt to our new states of being, even after they radically change, is applied to a well-known study of lottery winners, in the TED-ED video below.

The point was to find out if coming in to such extreme levels of good fortune cemented their long-term happiness.

Did their "baselines" of happiness change at all after coming into such a signficant sum of money?

They did, at first.

But then after a while, participants, like elastic bands, snapped back in to place.

They were about as happy as they were before they won the prize (and some, even less so).

This principle also applies to relationships, career satisfaction, material gain and even altruistic behavior, as explained in the second video, below.

No matter what changes in the external world, at some point we adapt and whatever - or whoever -  initially gave us a happiness kick, now fails to have the same potency.

Married couples no longer experiencing the "honeymoon period" will know this first-hand and will learn the lesson we all have to in some way, that happiness doesn't lie outside of ourselves.


Why Baselines Matter

And that is what makes the "baseline" so crucial, particularly for those of us whose basic level of happiness isn't particularly high.

No matter what our default setting is, there is nothing external that is going to change that.

The only thing we can ever do is work on increasing it "internally" instead.

Because whatever it is we think will "make" us happy "out there" at some point will fail us. 

And we will be back to where we started from, still having to deal with whatever is inside us and whatever it is that is really dictating how happy we feel in the first place.

So, you wake up, feel motivated, feel on point - today is the day. And for a few hours you are on fire, you feel like you're really getting somewhere.

And then you hit that wall.

Suddenly all that optimism you had has gone out the window and a different self emerges: one who could not give a sh*t. About anything, least of all the stuff that got you out of bed this morning.

It's the dreaded Afternoon Slump.

For most of us, who can at least recognise that is what it is, it is one of those unavoidable unpleasantries of life where we do our best to slog on despite it, in the vain hope we can push our way through it.

The rest of us just simply question our existence and wonder why it all went so wrong.

Dan Pink has another name for it: "The Trough", which he describes as "the poison" in his book, When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing:

Or, to put it another way:

Daily Cycles

This low point of the day is part of our daily cycle, whether we like it or not.

Despite our best intentions, our motivation, mood and productivity levels follow pretty regular patterns throughout the day, every day. 

But, says Pink (as he explains in the videos below), if we can gain a detailed understanding of our own unique cycles, learn to adapt to each stage appropriately and take the right action at the right time, then happy days.


Peak, Trough & Recovery

Pink says we go through a 3-stage process  - the "Peak", the "Trough", and the "Recovery" - daily, at pretty much the same time, with us going up and down like a yo-yo, with each step .

The point that we "dip" very much depends on our "chronotype", which Pink describes as:

What defines our "type"?

Basically the time we wake up: if we are early risers (Pink calls them Larks) or late-starters (Owls).

Early risers, or Larks, will hit a "peak" in the morning, then a "trough" around 7 hours after waking up and finally will "rebound" or enter a recovery period later in the day.

Night Owls  who struggle to get out of bed before late morning will have a similar cycle, but starting from a later point in the day.


The Best Time To Get S**t Done

In terms of getting stuff done, the Peak time is where we will feel - and be - the most productive.

We are highly focused and analytical at this time, says Pink.

Creative insights and ideas come later in the day, as the Recovery stage is when we are likely to be a bit looser and more expansive in our thinking.


Navigating The Dip

The key, though, is what do we do when we hit that slump?

Pink's advice is simple: not very much.

At most do things which aren't particularly challenging, like administrative work (answering emails etc).

The trick is not to beat ourselves up if we can't deliver at the level we would like to during the "dip".

No-one can, apparently.

As such, he advises we learn to take it as a cue for "vigilant breaks": to switch gears, stop flogging ourselves and do something far less taxing instead.

So, if answering emails sounds too much to bear (particularly if we are not in the office), then we can always make the most of the fact that our brain has just turned to cheese.

We can take that nap.

It's OK, we're allowed, says Pink:

Perhaps the Spanish are on to something, Siesta, anyone?

The most dangerous aspect of unresolved feelings and unaddressed stuck emotions is that we believe whatever it is we are thinking. 

We get sucked into a virtual reality that is utterly convincing.  And the very idea that there is actually something within our control to take us out of it feels ludicrous if not downright offensive.

For us, this is real: the world is bleak, things are hopeless, we will never find anyone who gets us, we will never get ourselves out of the mess we are in (etc etc).

But the thing that actually sets us free is also the hardest thing to accept.

Aside from when we are faced with serious, life-threatening illnesses and traumatic psychological conditions which require serious professional help, the day-to-day troughs, low spells and dour moods we all experience is totally within our power to eradicate.

It requires 3 initial steps:


Be Honest & Specific

The first step is to ask ourselves how we really feel. Shit? Good. What is it specifically that is getting us down? Pick one thing at a time.


Ask If What We Believe Is True

The second step is to break the grip this idea has on us. We need to challenge our assumptions, that's all. Is there a possibility that what we are thinking isn't actually true?


Take Action

As soon as have stepped out of the "virtual reality", admitted why we feel so bad and that maybe it's not based in reality, we are ready to work on clearing it.

Here are 4 techniques we can work with by ourselves:


1. Expressive Writing

This is ideal when we are stuck on Step 1.

If we know we feel bad and we're not sure why, just ranting and raving on a piece of paper can begin to work wonders.

It allows us to vent, which is cathartic in itself, but as we write we frequently begin to reveal to ourselves what it actually is that is bugging us deep down. ("....and my life is hard and I don't have any friends...")

2. "The Work"

This technique is worth trying if we are stuck on Step 2, as it is specifically designed to make us confront the beliefs we have about a given situation and ask ourselves if it is true.

It basically involves asking ourselves 4 questions:

1. Is what we believe true?
2. Can we be absolutely 100% sure that it's true?
3. How do we react/feel when we think/believe that thought?
4. What would happen & who would we be if we didn't have that thought?

Its creator, Byron Katie, has a free e-book detailing the process which can be found here.

3. EFT (Tapping)

This can be used on literally any issue and the alleviation after a couple of rounds is notable and is worth sticking at - the more specific the issue the better.

As the name of the technique suggests, it involves tapping your fingers on several points on your head, face, chest and underarm, as Brad Yates shows below.

4. The CORE Technique

Part of the Emotional Mastery technique, the principle behind this is to actively move towards whatever unpleasant emotion it is you have that you might instinctively want to avoid.

The idea being that once you focus your attention on it and gradually drill deeper into it, simply be observing it and feeling it - without trying too hard to actually shift it - it gradually dissipates.

An example of it can be found below.

Life isn't always going to go our way. Here are 4 techniques that might help when life has won the grand prize of being the world's biggest shit-show

Sometimes, life is just shit. It's bleak. It's boring. It's repetitive, predictable, petty and small. It's going nowhere. And it's worse when we can't find any reprieve from it.

We can find umpteen motivational videos telling us that "We can be or do anything we desire!". We tell ourselves that we just lack confidence and are "afraid of our own power".  We are told (by therapists, life coaches, gurus, self-styled experts) that we just have to believe in ourselves, repeat mantras and visualise success (and nothing happens).

"Surround yourself with people you admire!", we are frequently advised.  "Find a mentor, then get better than them!".

But what if there aren't any?

What if we are stuck in some godforsaken shit-hole in the middle of nowhere with zero opportunities to meet incredibly inspiring people who will take us on a magical journey to Wonderland?

What, if we are neighbours with bin collectors, shop assistants and coffee shop baristas (not Tony Robbins or Richard Branson).

What then?


When The Advice Doesn't Work

After a while, all of these promises and pieces of advice can begin to ring a little hollow.

And then, as a last act of desperation, all we can do is try to kick ourselves into a state of positivity, telling ourselves, "Stop being so defeatist", "Anything is possible, right?"

But frequently, it feels like all evidence points to the contrary.

That no matter how hard we work, how much money we spend on therapy, life coaching and self-improvement programs, nothing changes.

How do we deal, then, when life has turned into one long shit-show and (to rub the salt in), the advice we are being given either doesn't fit our circumstances - or doesn't seem to work?

There are 4 approaches that run counter to the typical self-help mantras that might help shift things a bit.

They work regardless of income, geography or social networks - not all will appeal but all have their place. And what connects them all is this: none of them are designed to drastically change your life - and that's kind of the point:


1. Amor Fati

This is the hardest one to swallow, so best to get this out of the way first.

It requires a pretty sizeable amount of magnanimity which, when life is really tricky, is quite hard to say the least. 

"Amor Fati" is a stoic practice that basically translates as "love your fate".

It requires not only developing the ability to take misfortune on the chin but to actually become grateful for it, recognizing that hidden gems can lie in life's unpleasant moments. Robert Greene & Ryan Holiday explain all in the video below.

2. Radical Acceptance

If you are unable to get to that point, you could consider Marsha Linehan's technique of Radical Acceptance, where you actually fact facts.

You don't sugar coat it, you don't pretend something shit is actually secretly a brilliant gift, but you just accept what has happened - and what is happening. As Linehan says in the video below:

"You have to radically accept you want something you don't have and it's not a catastrophe."

Anything less is living in denial and stretching out the misery you have found yourself rolling around in.

3. Intense Realism

In a similar vein, Intense Realism (as described in Chapter 1 of The 50th Law by Robert Greene) is the ability to accept reality as it is (and not as how we wish it was).

And as Greene argues, it allows us to finetune skills we might not otherwise have learned.

We have to be sharper, for example. We have to be better at spotting opportunities.

The real danger, he says, is not necessarily in the situation itself - it's in denial:

"When things get tough and you grow tired of the grind, your mind tends to drift into fantasies... Reality has its own power—you can turn your back on it, but it will find you in the end, and your inability to cope with it will be your ruin."

4. "F**k It"

If all this seems a bit too much in the given moment, the last technique is quick, painless and simple. It requires saying F**k It (and meaning it).

Author John Parkin, highly recommends it as way of "giving in to a situation" and accepting it, warts and all, as it actually is.

He advises it when faced with intractable situations, his idea being it helps us let go, release stress, stop worrying and wanting something so badly.

It requires "giving up of our normal rational approach to dealing with things", and the need for everything to be exactly the way we want it to be.

Instead, it allows us to breathe again, to gain a bit of perspective and to feel a bit freer in difficult moments.

So the next time we are looking at our lives and it feels like a crushing disappointment, these techniques might help, the key always being to remember that the pain lies in the desire for it to be different - and the liberation comes from squarely facing up to it exactly as it is.

No-one likes bullies. But the worst kind, the most insidious of them all, live inside our heads. And the reason they are so powerful is because we don't even realise they are there.

They are so deeply embedded in our thoughts, emotions, beliefs and knee-jerk reactions to situations, that we think they are us - and we think they're right.

These voices have lives of their own - and they began in the 'real world', before they leapt into our minds and started whispering in our ears.


The Critical Inner Voice

The Critical Inner Voice, as it is known, typically gets created as a defense mechanism to a painful situation.

It doesn't always require a direct criticism or scolding to develop (the growing pains of childhood inevitably spawn situations that leave us feeling inadequate) - but the negative feedback loop we get stuck in can inevitably be traced back to an individual or group of people whose words and/or actions impacted us deeply.

If we have ever been picked on, regularly criticized, felt the spotlight was on us for all the wrong reasons, the emotional charge of that event can get stuck.

And the way we were treated at the time, the kinds of judgments/expectations that were made of us and the lack of care that was given to us all get internalised.

We start talking to ourselves in the way we were spoken to that we hated so much.

And it becomes so natural to us, so automated, that we fail to realise we are even doing it.

And before long, we end up doing the original critics' jobs for them.


Recognising The Root

But breakthroughs can be as astoundingly simple as they are effective, as an interview Epiphany Channel did with architect, Greg Schriefer, shows.

Having been plagued by negative self-talk for years, what freed Schriefer was recognising where it actually came from.

When he realised that he was in fact repeating the exact words his father had said to him, he was immediately able to distance himself from the voice.

It no longer belonged to him, so he could begin a conversation with it, rather than just soak up whatever it was saying.

As Schriefer told Elise Ballard, who runs the Epiphany Channel:

Once he realised where the voice came from, he was able to identify it every time it came up again after that - and stop it in its tracks.


When There Are Upsides To That Voice

Writer Isabel Allende outlined a similar experience she had in an interview with Global Leadership TV.

But in her case, she was also able to see how it actually benefited her.

The upside to being harsh on yourself is it can drive you to be better.

Allende was able to create a successful career for herself in a time where it was unusual for a woman to do so.

And it was the high expectations and intolerance of a grandfather cracking the whip (in real life and in her head) that she says she had to thank for it. 

She told Global Leadership TV:

Finding The Right Balance

The downside was, she could never switch off, feeling guilty if she ever stopped working.

Being able to give the voice - and herself - a break has been the key to achieving a bit more balance.

And now she uses this critical voice to her advantage as and when she needs it:

The next time we get swept up by the voice inside our heads, the act of being able trace it back to its originator is well worth trying out.

Not only can it free us from the negative aspects of what it is saying - but it in some cases (depending on what it is saying) it might actually help us as well.